We’ve all got to eat so it might as well be good! I’ve been a restaurant critic for almost 20 years, and have been writing a weekly restaurant column in Melbourne’s Sunday Age since 2006.
My approach is to always take a restaurant on its own terms: there’s no point slamming a burger joint because it doesn’t have white tablecloths. I try to be constructive in my criticism and I’ve always got the diner in mind: there are many places you could choose to go. Why should it be here?
There aren’t any strict rules for making me happy in a restaurant but having fried bread on a menu is a good start. If you call it ‘panzerotti fritti’ that’s even better because it sounds like a continental life experience, not the guilty pleasure of golden, crunchy carbs.
Ever thought of roasting Vegemite? Of course you haven’t. But in case you ever do, be aware that it takes six hours of roasting and three weeks of drying to turn it into a crumble. That’s the conclusion of chef Sam Stafford, who was part of concerted yeast concentrate experiments when he worked at Momofuku Seiobo in Sydney, but didn’t crack the mighty ’Mite code until he developed the menu for Clever Polly’s, a wildly experimental wine bar in West Melbourne.
Well, what a surprise. An unpromising stretch of Burwood Road, populated by prestige car shoppers, goggle-eyed Pokemon hunters and sleepy students who missed the Swinburne Uni tram stop is also home to a throbbing two-level modern Vietnamese restaurant with a cracking cocktail list and a heated upstairs deck that is just begging to host your next party.
Who am I today? Am I the person who eats a breakfast bowl with quinoa and kale then spends the rest of the day beaming shining energy rays, boosted periodically by sips on a beetroot smoothie? Or am I that reckless creature who hunkers down over eggs benedict and braised beef cheek piled on crunchy sweet potato waffles, then spends hours galumphing around with jalapeno hollandaise on my chin?
The astoundingly ambitious Garden State Hotel is more like a village than a pub with a capacity of 840 people, much potential for decorous commotion, and distinct zones built around a garden. It’s a rebuild and expansion of the old Rosati’s premises. If you were a banker – or looking for one – in the ‘80s and ‘90s you most likely danced on the bar here.
Local chef Raman Vohra noticed there was no actual force field around Moorabbin which made it impossible to have a hip cafe in the area. So, seven months ago, he opened The Tradesman to service the area’s many young families, tradies, dog owners and lovers of good coffee.
I have a dream. It involves snacks. The snacks come to me. They are endlessly replenished and of infinite variety. There is crunchy chicken skin, juicy beef, rice pudding with candied lemon peel, rich chocolate with honeycomb. In my dream, I am sated and glowing. Waking was always a grand snack-less disappointment. Until last Sunday when I went to Roving Marrow’s contemporary yum cha.
On a recent eating adventure in Japan I was struck by how specific the restaurants are, and often how small. This little den sells strawberry sandwiches. That one does crumbed pork. Another is (very) dedicated to soup noodles. It’s unlike Melbourne’s typical suburban Japanese restaurant which smooshes many cuisines into a smorgasbord of sushi, tempura, teriyaki and more.
Madoljai means ‘inspiration’ and it’s a deliberate name for this new restaurant, opened a month ago by Thai chef Mawan (she prefers to go by one name). Mawan’s project is heartfelt: she wishes to show Melbourne traditional Thai food, including resurrecting dishes that are neglected or disrespected. Inspiration is both muse and spur: Mawan uses it to create and also hopes to guide her customers towards a deeper appreciation of her cuisine.
I hear it’s a great ski season. Apparently Hawks fans are having a(nother) happy year. Train punctuality is at 91.6 per cent. Well and good. But if you really want to know what is wonderful about this Melbourne winter it’s having your face in a bowl full of noodles at pop-up restaurant Honcho Noodle.
